Angel of Mercy
by Strange.x.And.x.Beautiful
Summary: Songfic. Bella’s thoughts and feelings about her friendship with Jacob in the first half of New Moon. BxJ Friendship/Affection.


Angel of Mercy

**I do not own Bella or Jacob; they belong to the genius who is Stephenie Meyer. And I don't own the lyrics to the song 'Mercy'; those belong to OneRepublic.**

**Bella POV**

I had been brought back from a life of zombieism. I don't know how it happened, but somehow I was slowly becoming human again. It was like I was back from the dead. I started to see people's faces clearly instead of blobs hovering in the air, I could hear conversations around me that I had been tuning out, I was alive again. All thanks to Jacob, my best friend Jacob Black.

_Angel of Mercy  
How did you find me?  
Where did you read my story?  
Pulled from the papers  
Desperate and hardened  
seeking a moment every fix._

For three months I'd been floating along, buried amongst my pain, suffocating in the darkness of my despair, but he came along and shined his light on me and I began to return to the world of the living. I could register other emotions again, like happiness. I hadn't felt happiness in a long time, all I felt was numb. I didn't think I'd ever be able to feel happiness again. But somehow Jacob got me to smile; he got me to appreciate life again.

_All I wanted to say  
All I wanted to do  
Is fall apart now  
All I wanted to feel  
I wanted to love  
Its all my fault now  
A tragedy I fear_

Slowly but surely Jacob was helping me piece back together my life. I now had my friends back after shutting them out for so long. He was my guide, taking me back to the life I'd lived before Edward had left me in a crumbled mess, I'd become a shadow of who I used to be. But Jacob brought me back to the light again, and even though I didn't feel whole, I felt like I was regaining pieces of myself ever so slowly. He was so patient and I thanked him for being there for me. Charlie did too, he was glad to see me smile again, he was glad I was a human being again.

_Angel of Mercy  
How did you find me?  
How did you pick me up again?  
Angel of Mercy  
How did you move me?  
Why am I on my feet again?  
And I see you_

_Whoa Whoa Whoa  
I feel you  
Whoa Whoa Whoa_

When Jacob touched me I felt loved once again. I'd never be able to love him like I did Edward, but I could love him as best I could. That was good enough for the both of us. I was glad I was able to love someone in some way; I had feared I couldn't love again, that I was too damaged to let someone into my life as fully as I had done before. With Jacob it was easy, so effortless, and so wonderful.

_Before just the daylight  
Come and I stand by  
Waiting to catch the quickest plane  
Flying to nowhere  
Is better than somewhere  
That's where I've been and nothing's changed._

Charlie tried to send me back to Phoenix in the beginning of my reawakening, but I hadn't wanted to leave all the reminders of Edward, I couldn't let him fade from my memory. Even if the motive of his plan was for me forget about him, I never could.

Funnily enough Jacob had helped me to regain the shreds of Edward I desperately searched for. He fixed up a pair of motorbikes I'd acquired and he taught me how to ride mine. As I'd found out before through the reckless endangerment of myself, I was able to have delusions of Edward's voice that were as clear as day, just like he was standing right next to me. It was a reason for celebration, a reason for me to feel alive again.

However, whenever I had an accident Jacob was there to fuss over me and drive me to the hospital so I could be stitched up and ready to face another day of endangerment. He could never understand why I did it and I didn't want him to, he'd think I was crazy.

_All I wanted to say  
All I wanted to do  
Is fall apart now  
All I wanted to feel  
I wanted to love  
Its all my fault now  
A tragedy for sure._

The lines of our relationship are becoming blurred but it doesn't matter to me. So long as we know that we're Bella and Jacob, best friends, then nothing really bothered me. Quil and Embry could say whatever they wanted about us, I just laughed it off, it made me laugh even more when Jacob became embarrassed, it reminded me of the age difference between us.

Even though Jacob was two years younger than me, his wisdom made up for that difference easily. I felt like I was child and he seemed to be the adult when we got talking about everything and anything. I loved being with Jacob, I knew how to be carefree again instead of worrying what was ahead of me. It was a nice feeling to be free.

_Angel of Mercy  
How did you find me?  
How did you pick me up again?  
Angel of Mercy  
How did you move me?  
Why am I on my feet again?  
And I see you_

_Whoa  
I feel you  
Whoa_

Jacob keeps taking my hand; I'm not sure what to make of it. It feels so different compared to when Edward used to take my hand. But the feelings behind this simple action are the same for Jacob as they were Edward. Jacob was falling in love with me, I wanted to love him back in the same way, but I couldn't. I could never love anyone as much as I did Edward. I think Jacob understands, but it hurts me so to allow him to feel this way about me.

I should really set Jacob straight, but I couldn't bear to lose his closeness to me. I didn't want to slip into the darkness again. So I just allowed him to be the way he was and I hoped that maybe I could one day in the near future I could reciprocate his feelings.

_I'm so lost in you  
A tragedy seemed to be over now  
A tragedy it seemed to be._

Maybe I am getting over Edward, maybe I could give in to Jacob and have someone to love me again just like before. I'm sure Jacob was patient enough for me to develop feelings of love. So long as he was with me I think he'd wait until the world stopped turning for me to love him in a romantic way.

_Angel of Mercy  
How did you find me?  
How did you pick me up again?  
Angel of Mercy  
How did you move me?  
Why am I on my feet again?  
And I see you_

_Whoa  
I feel you  
Whoa  
I feel you  
Oh Whoa  
I feel you  
Oh Oh Oh_

Thank you Jacob for saving me from a life of nothingness. My angel of mercy who found me and brought me back into the light, I love you but just not in the way you want me to...I'm sorry.

**Reviews (equals) loves!**


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